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309: The 5 Fight Languages - fight better, create connection & reduce conflict - Lena Morgan

On Air with Ella - podcast episode 309

the five fight languages - lena Morgan is on air with Ella

Listen here (and everywhere you get podcasts):

Conflict is not inherently bad. Let's do it better.

We have a cultural and societal suggestion that says all fighting is bad and should be avoided at all costs. But, in truth, conflict isn't bad, it's simply an exchange of information. Of course, sometimes we "exchange" in harmful ways, but ideally conflict is inherently neutral.

Lena Morgan is sharing how understanding the 5 Fight Languages can make conflict more productive for everyone involved, and leave each party feeling more understood.

The goals of healthy conflict are to:

1. Feel understood 2. Understand others 3. Fight better

This episode is a must-listen for anyone looking to improve their conflict resolution skills and gain a deeper understanding of themselves.

In this episode:

  • What are the the 5 Fight Languages?

  • Understanding the five types' "protective" and "productive" reactions in a fight

  • What are "core wounds" and how do they impact the way we operate in conflict?

  • How the Fight Languages can lead to productive resolutions and stronger relationships

  • What to do if you shut down in conflict? If your partner does?

  • The power of awareness in changing behavior

  • When to decline an invitation to conflict

  • Why it's helpful to understand your fight language when "fighting with yourself"

The 5 Fight Languages

  1. Ignitor - Lights the match that can burn an argument down

  2. Amplifier - Let's their emotions get louder until they feel seen

  3. Negotiator - Elevates self into role of parent / teacher / counselor

  4. Analyzer - Looks for logic, reason, and facts in an argument

  5. Extinguisher - Escapes, refuses to participate

Which one are you? Take Lena's free 5 Fight Languages Quiz

What is a core wound?

This is a trauma you experience as a little kid that was so painful that you have built protective shields to keep yourself from getting hurt in that way again.

Some common core wounds are:

  • "Nothing I do is good enough"

  • "I don't matter"

  • "I'm not worth understanding"

  • "People will be mad at me"

  • "The people you love always leave"

  • "It's all my fault"

If the 'Love Languages' are how we express the way we want to be loved, then the 'Fight Languages' are how we express the way we want to be understood. - Lena Morgan

4 Key Take Aways

1️⃣ Awareness is the first step to creating clarity and change. By recognizing our patterns and tendencies, we can better understand our reactions and choose how to respond in conflict situations.

2️⃣ Conflict is a part of the human experience. Whether it's with family, friends, or even strangers, we encounter it regularly. This podcast episode provides valuable frameworks and skills to navigate conflict more effectively.

3️⃣ Lena shares practical tools to help us live with intention and avoid "autopilot" mode. From recognizing our own role in conflicts to taking responsibility for our actions, these insights are game-changers.

4️⃣ This conversation emphasizes the importance of being aware of our own behavior and reactions. This awareness allows us to choose how we want to respond, breaking free from old patterns and trying new approaches.


Lena began her career as a midwife, and for over a decade she helped people communicate their needs effectively in high stress situations. Pulling from this, she developed the Fight Languages, a new way to articulate the ways we fight with ourselves and others.

Her work helps individuals, partnerships, organizations, and businesses develop more understanding and connection. You can learn more about her work at

Instagram: @hi.lenamorgan

FB: @hi.lenamorgan

Tik Tok: @lenamorgan


Questions? Contact me

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xxoo Ella


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