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285: How Not to Hate Your Husband - Managing Communication, Sex & the Household - Jancee Dunn

On Air with Ella - podcast episode 285 {originally aired March 2018}


You don't even have to have one.

Jancee Dunn wrote a funny, incredibly useful book about negotiating the "new" version of her marriage after their first child was born. But so much of what we talk about is universal when it comes to improving communication, conflict management, intimacy and more fulfilling relationships.

Join us in this conversation about managing your most intimate relationships in the face of change, the rules of engagement that support lasting love, and - it's true - how not to hate your partner after having kids.

In this episode:

  • The Four Horsemen of conflict that destroy relationships (Dr. John Gottman, 1999)

    • Criticism, Defensiveness, Contempt and Stonewalling

  • Fighting fair: staying above the line, practicing "100% respect," and tips from an experienced hostage negotiator (yep.)

  • Having kids: adding a demanding new person to your relationship means you have to reevaluate -- and rebuild -- your marriage

  • Household management: communicate, divide and conquer, communicate...

  • Learning to ask for what we need

  • "Repeat to disarm" - how to show your partner that you are listening

  • The power of saying “thank you” for little things (even when you don't want to)

  • Reconnection & intimacy: what to do to relight that fire


Jancee Dunn was a writer at Rolling Stone from 1989-2003. She has written for many publications, among them the New York Times, Vogue, Parents, GQ, and O: The Oprah Magazine. She has been an entertainment correspondent for Good Morning America and a veejay for MTV2.

Her memoir But Enough About Me (2006) details her life as chronically nervous celebrity interviewer, and the novel "Don't You Forget About Me" followed in 2008. Her collection of essays entitled "Why Is My Mother Getting A Tattoo? And Other Questions I Wish I Never Had To Ask" was a finalist for the Thurber Prize For American Humor. She collaborated with Cyndi Lauper for "Cyndi Lauper: A Memoir," released in 2012. She and her family live in Brooklyn, NY.


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