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334: How to stop over-analyzing and doubting yourself | What's your attachment style? | Rediscovering your identity after kids - ft. Tillie Harris

On Air with Ella episode 334

Ella and Tillie Harris in office - ON AIR WITH ELLA 334

Personal growth starts with understanding ourselves better

In this episode, we're answering two listener questions:

  1. how to overcome overanalyzing and self-doubt in social situations, and

  2. how to find one's identity and purpose after years of caretaking.

Tillie Harris provides insights into attachment styles and how they can influence our behavior and relationships, and offers practical tips for building a stronger relationship with oneself in the pursuit of finding our purpose.

We're talking about overcoming overanalyzing and insecurity, social anxiety, understanding attachment styles, building a relationship with oneself, and finding personal identity and purpose.

The more threatened we feel, the more we need to control. And if we can't control anything else, we'll control the narrative. - Tillie Harris


A listener asks for tips on overcoming overanalyzing and self-doubt

  • The role of the internal critic and its origin

  • The concept of attachment styles and their impact on relationships

  • How a fear of not being thought about can drive our behavior

  • Attachment styles and survival strategies

  • Why we overanalyze and assign negative motives to others

  • Training the brain to behave differently and remapping the story

  • Overcoming the fear of rejection and embracing flexibility

A listener asks for help in finding identity after leaving her job for motherhood

  • How to find out what to do next

  • Overcoming guilt - being self-focused isn't being selfish

  • Your intuition will tell you if you are listening

  • Communicating to your loved ones about your personal exploration

  • Starting where you are and practical resources to help

ATTACHED book cover


Two books that helped me when I felt like I didn't know what to do next - both by Danielle LaPorte:


  • Overanalyzing conversations and seeking validation from others is a common issue that stems from our attachment styles and fear of rejection.

  • Overanalyzing and insecurity in social situations can be addressed by understanding one's attachment style and working on building a stronger relationship with oneself.

  • Attachment styles, such as avoidant or anxious, can influence our behavior and relationships. Recognizing and understanding our attachment style can help us navigate social interactions more effectively.

  • Building a relationship with oneself requires self-reflection and exploration. Starting small and focusing on personal preferences and desires can help reestablish a sense of identity and purpose.

  • Tuning into one's intuition and making choices based on personal preferences can lead to a more fulfilling and authentic life.

  • It is important to communicate with loved ones about personal growth and the need for self-focus. Showing the workings behind personal decisions can help others understand and support the journey.

tillie harris is On Air with Ella podcast


My training is in social anthropology, coaching and psychotherapy. I use these approaches to understand teams, audiences and individuals to create lasting change.

I work with organisations to understand internal and external stakeholders and create communications to drive engagement and growth.

I also design and deliver workshops to improve personal and organisational communications and support personal effectiveness.

When I am not working in the corporate world, I write books, run personal development retreats, and generally explore the world through stories.

Connect with Tillie: LinkedIN

Learn more about Tillie's coaching programs:

Click for Episode 334 transcript


Have a question that you want to share? I would love to hear from you, and possibly answer your question on the air! Message me:

Instagram: @onairwithella

Leave me a voice message: +1 (202) 681-0388

xoxo Ella

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relationship with yourself, overanalyzer, insecure in social environments, questioning experience, attachment styles, avoidant attachment style, insecure attachment style, disorganized attachment style, finding identity, lost identity, motherhood, self-discovery, self-focus, self-care, self-exploration, self-awareness, self-identity, personal growth, self-reflection, self-discovery books, rebuilding relationship with yourself, finding purpose, finding passion, finding direction, life transition, life purpose, life goals, self-improvement, personal development, self-help


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